Rest in Peace

He had a good life, too short, but he was happy. Einstein was diagnosed with fluid on the brain. He started to exhibit behavior that indicated brain damage. Saturday afternoon, he was wrapped in a blanket, held close and had a gentle end.

In an effort to say good-bye to this little character who touched all of our hearts, here's a list of great things about Einstein. All of my helpers are sad and learning one of the hard lessons of life. They've each contributed a little something:

Einey was my favorite. He was the nicest of the lot and he didn't bite.
I loved the way he pranced when he played.
His unusual head gave him an almost human appearance (if he were a cartoon human).
He liked to cuddle.
He didn't let his disability get in the way of his puppyhood.
He was cute.
Einstein was always ready to curl up in your arms and be held.
At night, I'd shine a light on the pile of pups, just to make sure. Einie's head would always pop up and his bug eyes would always find mine.
He learned his name within the first week.
We made his life great - that's all Einny ever knew. It's impossible to guess outcomes, so it only makes sense we'll try to help someone who won't make it. I think that's what makes me like to foster - knowing I tried.
Einstein was special.
Einny is in a better place now and we can all move forward.

Give your puppies an extra hug tonight, for Einstein.

Adopt these 2 puppies!

I returned all of the shelter supplies today and discovered that there are 2 puppies still available for adoption! I can't believe it. But I know that you're all going to rush down to the Petaluma Animal Shelter tomorrow at noon when they open and have a bidding war over those little guys. They are awesome pups. Check out the photos. I was trying to get them to pose... but one stole Chief's leash and the other grabbed the camera. They need to get into their forever homes ASAP so that they can start learning some manners.

Seriously, adopting a dog, especially in the puppy stage is a big decision. We now have a 9 week old puppy and a 3 year old dog. They'll be with us long after my kids graduate from high school, maybe after they're out of college. That's a commitment. And a puppy has initial vet bills. The bills come back again as they get older and require more vet attention.

But if you're a dog person, you know that every penny spent on new slippers (because that great dog chewed yours up) is worth it. Already, Chief has completed our family in a way I hadn't expected. He and Charlie play and play. My sons are old enough to handle taking him outside for his business. They're contributing to his training and they'll be involved in his formal classes. My husband cradles him like a baby (and will continue that practice long after anyone else can hold him!). It's all working out.

So if you want a dose of puppy love in your life, grab one of these dogs!

Only 2 Dogs

Wow, it's been a restful few days. I've only had to deal with 2 dogs. Amazing! And just as time-consuming. Because now, I'm trying to acclimate Chief to our routine - house training, cat manners, playing with Charlie (our 3 year old dog), getting used to the crate. He's doing very well. Any transgression is really our fault for not watching his signals closely enough.

I've found a puppy play class for him that we'll start in a few weeks. Then we'll move on to training classes. I'm reading books and consulting websites about training. But mostly, we're just enjoying his exuberance. He brings out the playfulness in all of us.

I'm wondering how the other pups are doing. After spending all that time with them, I can't help but worry about their first nights away from their pack. As soon as we brought Chief up to the main part of our house, he ran back down to his laundry-room den to look for his siblings. He has Charlie to help him navigate life from puppyhood into dog-dom, but what about the others? Contact me and I'll post pictures and stories. Let's get these guys together sometime. Will they remember each other?

I know I'll never forget them.

The Big Day

Once upon a time, all 11 puppies could curl up in my lap. Last night, it was only one, Chief. He's ours. The family who'd wanted to adopt him decided that it just wasn't the right time for a puppy. I'm grateful that they could make that decision. Because now, we have a new dog! I'd been feeling pretty sad about saying good-bye to all the pups. But now that we get to keep one, it's so much easier. And the time is right for us to have another dog. Especially this one. He chose us from the start, I resisted because I had 11 other dogs to think about. But now I know this is right.

All the puppies were neutered or spayed yesterday. They did fine. They came home last night for some rest. But they didn't really want to rest. Every few hours I fed them a little, they played and then they finally crashed around 11. No one woke me up until 7:30. But then, they wolfed down a pile of food and I rewarded them with a romp in the backyard. They'd all been out there with me or with another pup, but never all of them at once. They swarmed through the ivy, they raced around the deck, they tried to intimidate the neighbor dogs. My dog would have no part of that many puppies. Now, they're asleep again, waiting for their big moment. I'll bring them to the shelter this morning so that they can go home with their families.

It's a big day for all of us.

Our last moments with the pups

It's Thursday night. My husband is working late. One son has been away on a class trip all week; due home tomorrow. The pups will get their surgery tomorrow and go to their forever homes on Saturday. They may stay at the shelter tomorrow night. This could be their last night with us.

It's almost better that I don't know. And if you've been following, it's exactly the opposite of what I said about anticipation being part of the process! Part of me can't wait to not be responsible for 11 puppies. But most of me can't imagine life without them. Who will greet me with bright, shiny faces every morning? Who will vie for my lap after their morning feeding? How could anyone else possibly meet their needs, know every little thing about them?

And of course, they're ready for their new families. They need to stretch their legs and figure out what life is like without their siblings. They need to start doing their business outside which is only possible with some one-on-one attention. They need to stop being little baby puppies and move on to their next phase of puppyhood.

Tonight when I picked the pups up from the shelter I was reminded of my days in the library software world. We'd have a new software release yearly, and have to install it at all of the libraries. One year, we hit a critical mass of too few staff and too many customers. We had to work 4 weekends in a row to get all of the new software installed with minimal disruption to the customers. It was crazy and invigorating at the same time. We all got overtime pay, but that didn't compensate for working for an entire month with no time off.

At the same time, the staff grew closer. We did little things to keep ourselves going. For example, after each successful installation, we'd wring a bell, broadcasting it throughout the company. The resulting cheer varied depending on who was in the building. When the president of the company was there, he'd always respond with something entertaining which was not so easy for a quiet guy like him.

Tonight at the shelter, the atmosphere was the same. Everyone was helping to get the puppies vaccinated, or organizing the supplies for tomorrow's surgeries. It was electric. During a quiet moment, Jeff confessed that even on his busiest, craziest days, he goes home with a smile on his face because he knows that he's making a difference in the lives of animals and people. That's huge.

So here's my big thank you to everyone who helped raise these puppies!

The volunteers at the shelter were always ready to help load puppies into my car and tell me about the time they spent with the little guys. They'd stay as long as necessary to clean up the inevitable mess left by 11 dogs-to-be.

Renee, at the front desk always had a smile for me, whether I was dropping off or picking up. It's not easy to get 11 puppies through the door. I'd try to get them to the shelter before visiting hours, which meant that I left the door unlocked for a few minutes. That always resulted in someone coming in to renew a dog license or ask about a cat. Even though Renee had lots of work to do that had to be done before office hours, she took it in stride, shifted gears and helped who ever needed her.

Arte, the animal care technician was always ready to help me load pups, or distract them so that I could get in the play yard door with their food. She has a tough job, working behind the scenes as well as with the public trying to get animals adopted and at the same time, cleaning up after them and caring for their needs. She's always smiling and knows exactly what's happening with every animal at the shelter.

Jason and Andi are the Animal Control Officers. It's their job to go out on calls, rescue animals, file reports. But they do so much more than that. They basically do anything anyone else can't get to. That included puppy transport from my house to the shelter, garbage pick up at my house (those little buggers create a mess...). But more than all of that, they were always on hand to debrief with me about whatever was happening, offering suggestions about using shredded paper, or lavishing praise on my dog.

Jeff is the Animal Shelter manager. He's the one who got us into this adventure in the first place! What a great guy. He's full of energy and ideas, always trying to improve life for animals and people, but more than willing to help behind the front desk or clean up some poop. He helped us set up the enclosure at our house and transported puppies, food, bedding - whatever we needed.

And last, but not least, Kathy the shelter supervisor. This woman is a gem in the animal care world. We've talked every day for the past 6 weeks. Yes, most of our conversations center around puppy care (poop and food and behavior and schedules), but I've come to know Kathy as competent, compassionate and realistic. I could never have fostered these puppies without Kathy's support and daily pep talks. One of the first days, she came to the house to weigh the pups. It was quite a production, but of course, she did it all quickly and with such care. And now I know that the precious hour she took out of her day was never regained. She's responsible for so much at the shelter. I don't know when she sleeps. But these puppies are thriving because of her thoughtfulness and knowledge.

The puppies are asleep now. I have to stop myself from waking them to give me one last face licking. They're ready to move on.

Our Limitations

I'm a pretty fortunate person to be in a position to foster these pups and help them grow up a little. I haven't done it alone - the shelter staff are amazing, my neighbors and friends have come through for me in numerous ways, my boss is tolerant of my tardiness - but even so, it's from a position of privilege that I'm able to 'give' for these animals.

So when people thank me for my hard work, or comment on my commitment, it feels weird. Don't get me wrong, I love the praise (hmmm, therapy time needed to figure that one out...), but I realize that this is a mixture of selfish indulgence on my part and genuine donation of time, energy & love, no strings attached.

I keep thinking about my grandpa. He was a really smart guy who lived in the same house for his whole life in a small town in Wisconsin. He was a plumber, and local fix-it guy. He'd often forget to charge his customers, much to my grandma's annoyance, and eventually died because of complications from inhaling something toxic while fixing someone's old pipes for free. He set a good example for all of us - do what you love and everything will work out just fine.

My dad is cut from the same cloth. He still lives close to that little town. After every snowstorm, he's out plowing his drive, and anyone else's who can't do it for themselves. And I know he does more than that, which he never tells anyone about.

This isn't 'community service' for which you get credit and accolades. This is just human kindness. So I follow the tradition. I'm just doing my part.

But here's the difference. I don't seem to be able to help people. I didn't open my house to a family in need. I don't volunteer at COTS with any of their numerous successful programs. I'm not sure how I figured it out, but I discovered my limitations. I can work with animals, but not people. (It'll take some mighty expensive therapy to figure that one out! Or maybe I'll just spend a day petting the puppies and it will all become crystal clear.)

That's what makes this world work. We all do what we can, when we can, for whomever we can. Karma. Give a little, get a little.

Missy (Momster) is back at the shelter tonight. She was more than interested in her new family's cat; she wanted to eat it. They struggled with the decision. They love Missy. And they love their cat. But it's not morally right to replace one animal with another. They are a wonderful, loving family and they're doing the right thing. And now, we know for certain that Missy must be placed with a cat-less family.

It's hard to face our own limitations. But we all have them.

Of course I wanted to bring her home with me tonight. But Kathy (the voice of reason) convinced me that it wasn't fair to the puppies or Missy or myself.

As I tucked Missy into her new dorm-room at the shelter tonight, I envied her bed. She's warm and cozy and cared for. She's not scrounging for food from garbage cans, or sleeping under a bridge with one eye open. She's not getting mauled by her 11 puppies. She'll be more than just fine. She will find her forever family.

Catch-up time

I've been unusually quiet since it's been unusually chaotic here. I can barely keep ahead of the pups latest tricks. Actually, I can't. Yesterday, I went out to the car, realized I forgot my keys, came back into the house. As I grabbed the keys from the kitchen counter, I spotted something brown and furry in the corner. An escapee. What? How did that happen. As soon as the others heard me in the kitchen, they stormed the baby gate. 10 puppies rushed through the house. Stunned, I fixed the hole in the fence, then ran up and down the stairs to retrieve one puppy at a time. It was crazy.

When I returned from my appointment, I surveyed the damage. They'd climbed through the stair rails onto a table, knocked off newspapers, bedding. They'd dumped some garbage. And since their perimeter had gotten bigger, they'd pooped at the edge. I spent the day cleaning, reinforcing the enclosure and taking the puppies outside for a break.

Most loved the backyard and our living room. They all had a turn at stealing my dog's toys and napping on his bed. He was fine with the whole scene as long as there weren't more than 2 little mongrels in his face.

On Saturday, all the pups spent the day at the shelter. They played in the outside pen. It was so fun to watch them run and tumble.

Then on Sunday, in the beautiful sunshine, the pups got to play at the park. We made a huge enclosure and let them go. We walked all of them on leashes. Or really, they walked around with leashes attached to people. It was important for them to have a good first experience on the leash - no pulling, lots of freedom. We were a spectacle that attracted a crowd. People got to hold a puppy and play. It was all very well supervised. The pups are in a stage where they're better one-on-one, or maybe two-on-one. All of them at once is just overwhelming to them as well as to people. And any negative experience could impact their future. With such a large space and constant supervision, we were able to give the puppies a fun afternoon. They slept well that night.

A few more days and they'll go to their new homes. I wasn't ready last week, but now I am. They need their families, some space and to start their training. They are all using newspapers now for their bathroom needs. I know many of them will respond to being outside more. But with 11, I can't possibly keep track of it all and be consistent. I'll miss them, of course, but they're ready.

Last Times

If I had known last night was the last that Momster (Missy) would spend in our house, would I have done anything differently? Would I have given her an extra hug, fed her a dinner of steak and potatoes, covered her with my own comforter?

She got adopted today! At this very moment, she's curled up on a couch, surrounded by her new family. A shelter volunteer really bonded with her this week and has decided to foster her with the intent to adopt. I got to speak with the family this afternoon and tell them about all the little things that Missy loves: chew toys, warm blankets, leaning into you and wriggling her whole body in greeting.

I've said a lot of good-byes over the years (am I really that old?). And I can't decide if it's better to know in advance, or be taken by surprise. On the one hand, I agree with the fox in 'The Little Prince'. He says that if you're going to be tamed by someone, consistency is important so that the one to be tamed can anticipate the meeting. Part of the process is the anticipation. I contend that this is the same process in reverse when letting go. If you can anticipate the moment, you can savor the little things, you can hold onto the memory. I have a handful - the last time I saw my grandma, leaving a boyfriend at the port in Genoa, watching the taxi drive away with my friends from Tunis as I boarded the plane for home. I still hold these moments close and think about them.

But the abrupt departures are harder. Suddenly, I have to say good-bye in a room full of people. Momster and I had a moment to stare at each other and know that we couldn't have raised these 11 beasts without each other. She'll move on, probably already has. But I'll never forget the opportunity she's given me to help her through this time. She's a good girl with a bright future.

And I remember my handful of quick lasts - where was I when my grandpa died?, when did I nurse my babies for the last time?, when was Kiko's last romp in the woods?

And now, the puppies are calling. They've been fed, they have water, and a warm bed. Maybe they miss their mom too.

Robins

The robins are back! Every year, our back yard is full of robins for 2 days. I mean, branch-sagging full. We must be in some migratory path. I first noticed them when I took a break one year at the end of January, beginning of February. I'd read about a woman who committed to sitting outside every day, rain or shine, for an hour. She had been feeling disconnected from nature and the seasons. So sometimes she sat for an hour in the morning with the paper and cup of tea, sometimes at night with friends, always in her little urban backyard. She noticed things she'd never noticed before.

I could never commit to an hour a day of anything (except maybe picking up puppy poop :), so I just tried to take some time in the afternoons to look out into the backyard. We have a creek running through our yard, so there's always something going on - deer, raccoons, even people. But when I noticed the robins, I got really excited and I bought some feeders. But 2 days later, the robins were gone. The Stellar Jays enjoyed their food. So I watched the pair of jays for the year. Then the robins came back. When I noticed them the 2nd time, I noticed that our Tulip Tree was starting to bud. 2 days later, the robins were gone, but I watched the tree bloom.

Now, when I notice the robins, I know spring is around the corner. Since moving to California from Wisconsin, I'd been looking for something to mark the seasons, the passage of time. Weather was such a big part of my life in the Midwest. When you live there, you have to know when a storm is coming - rain or snow. You have rituals around Memorial Day (the first cold swim in the lake) and Labor Day (back to school and the last official day of summer). But in California, it's possible to wear shorts in the middle of 'winter', then drive for a few hours to go skiing. I miss that ever-present reminder of where we are in the seasonal year.

I guess the return of the robins each year helps me mark time here.

And now I'll always remember that the robins came one year and the puppies left.

The Time is Now!

Ok, people. There are only 3 adorable puppies left. Your perfect dog could be, right this minute, sound asleep in my laundry room. Act now. For a limited time only - puppies!

It's been interesting to see which puppies got chosen first. Someone wanted the biggest male. Another person wanted the fiesty female to go with her other fiesty dog. Someone wanted the runt. Everyone wanted a different puppy. So it's not that the rejects are left. The 3 remaining puppies are very good choices. Actually, I may be biased, but there's not a bad one in the bunch. Really. None of them is aggressive, none is shy, none is aloof. They're all good dogs.

When we picked our malamute from his litter, my husband had a specific color in mind. I just didn't want the biggest one. Turns out Floyd was perfect for us. Would any of them have been ok? Maybe. But I don't think so. I think you choose the dog and the dog chooses you in some kind of reciprocal unspoken agreement.

So come on down to the animal shelter. See if your heart doesn't melt when his eyes meet yours and his tail wags out of control.

There are only 3 left...

Moments

Do you ever have those moments of serenity? Wishing you could freeze time and live out your days in this configuration of people and events and animals? I had one of those tonight. My family is pretty settled right now in their school/sports/work lives. I'm having an adventure that I never thought I'd get to have. It's good here.

But this is rare for me. I'm not a high energy person, but I'm always 'complicating' things, as my grandmother used to say. It took me a long time to understand what she meant and then to accept that this was a positive part of who I am. I'm the kind of person who's always looking at the next thing. I enjoy what I'm doing now, but I'm always trying to make it better. When my career involved a full-time paycheck, I managed the help desk for a software company. I was always looking for smarter ways to work without burning out everyone I worked with. It was fun because I never knew what the work day would bring. Then motherhood brought a different pace and much different rewards. I've learned to live more in the moment through my kids, while still planning the next thing.

These puppies have reminded me again about the immediacy of life. They have needs, right now, not in 10 minutes, right now, right now, please. I've let all kinds of things fall by the wayside - housework, knitting projects, yardwork, a letter from the City demanding that we cut down a tree. But I've kept up with work and the kids' school stuff and getting the boys to sports events and reading. I guess when the puppies are all adopted and in their homes, I'll have time to catch up with those other things.

It's been a good break to be forced to prioritize. It helps put it all into perspective.

As I think about my next thing, I have mental lists of projects (plant some flowers, clean the bathroom, hang some pictures, paint a wall). But I know from experience that when one door closes, another one opens.

And what's behind that new door is always more exciting than what's come before it.